I am moved by the events of last week—the tragic suicide deaths of people that appeared to have everything! It proves that suffering does not discriminate based on income level. Kate Spade was a lady that I admired for years. As she began her business and expanded it, she set trends for women around the world. Her look was simple and fresh and delighted so many.
How do you write about something like this? I wish I had all the answers, but no one does.
I don’t know what Kate’s specific situation was – and don’t want to speculate. But the coverage surrounding her death made me pause to think, and made me want to share an important reminder: You – all of us — are valuable.
The feelings and concerns that remain after someone takes their life are something I am familiar with, as years ago I experienced the results of the suicide death of a member of our church. What did I miss? How could I have helped?
I offer these thoughts today for all of us to think about. There are times in all of our lives where we are vulnerable to developing depression. Change is hard, and sometimes an event can trigger feelings of worthlessness. As women, we often want to feel needed, and when we think that we are not, then feelings of depression can creep in. It is real, it is hard, and it hurts. Sometimes depression can develop without an obvious trigger.
In spite of what you may be feeling during one of these times, please remember this: You are valuable, and you are beautiful. Whenever you experience the feeling that you are not, please say something. Reach out. Many times we are afraid of what people will think, and we keep to ourselves and the problem gets worse. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Trust me; no one will ever think less of you. Getting help is the only solution. Think of it as going to the doctor when you have the flu.
And for mercy’s sake, please don’t attach your self-worth to someone else. We all have a tendency to do this from time to time. But don’t! You are uniquely made and created by God to be YOU! If we let people determine for us who we are based on their approval, we will never be happy. Free yourself from those people, and live your life being YOU!
Many times it is the person we think is the strongest that might be suffering the most. Strong people feel they have to be the rock for everyone else and cover their feelings. Pay close attention to this. Draw close to all your friends and have heart-to-heart talks. It is refreshing and renewing to share your inner thoughts with someone that loves you. That may be all it takes is to know someone cares and can offer support and love.
I may have shared these quotes before but let me do it again:
“The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.”
“If you love someone, tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.”
NOW, go out there and sparkle! Be the best friend you can be to all God placed in your life. You are valuable, and you are treasured. You make the world a better place. I have no idea who wrote this, but I jotted it down and it means so much to me. “God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling!” Reach out always!
We are loved and created by Him that lavishes his love toward us. We are his masterpieces. He fills the void in our lives and gives us hope and a future with Him. We are the only Jesus others will see.
That was just a wonderful, truth filled post, Phyllis. And it’s truth we all need to be reminded of. Thank you.
I love your heart and wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
Depression is difficult because when one is depressed, it’s hard to imagine things being any other way, but when one is not depressed, it’s hard to remember what caused the depression.
Thanks so much for bringing this very sensitive topic to the forefront.
Thank you, I really needed this today. One never knows what another one is experiencing by outward appearance. Life just socks you in the face and knocks you down, sometimes it easier just to stay there and cry.
God the father is the answer, ask and he will be there when no one else can see what your enter turmoil is. Phyllis, your post today is very timely.
Dear, sweet, Phyllis. This is better than most sermons I’ve heard lately. Each of Gods children are given a gift or gifts and one of yours is making us know we have the ability to become what God has chosen for us to become and that we are loved by the ONE that created us. We are indeed uniquely and loveingly made . We must remember that God keeps ALL of HIs promises all of the time.
I am in awe of your heart felt essay. I am grateful that we are creating a more nurturing environment for those who suffer emotional pain. My sweet daughter is the most Godly young woman…..compassionate, loving, and supportive to all. She also suffers from anxiety and depression at times. We surround her with support and love, and she seeks help when she feels the need. It is a true cross for her to bear, and as her mother, it is a cross I share with her. I pray for a time when we treat our emotional illnesses with no stigma attached. I believe the young Royals in the UK have made great strides in bringing this forward. Bless you for your compassionate words…..they touch me deeply.
Your words were very moving. Thank you, Phyllis. At my son’s medical school graduation last week most of the speakers touched on this very important topic….mental health. There was one doctor,who, in addressing the graduating class,kept repeating four words,”remember , you are good.” I was moved to tears.
Thank you Phyllis. You always seem to express just the right thoughts in both good and difficult times. So, so many suffer from sadness, depression, loneliness and even idleness, all which can lead to devastating losses. If each of us would just reach out to one person, and then that person do the same, we could create a circle of caring, of love and solidarity. One card, one call, one text, and one hug can make all the difference in the world.
It is also important to believe that God can help you in any situation, and you reminded us of this as well.
That was beautiful! I hope that by writing that, you helped someone who needed to hear they are needed, they are special, each in our own way!
I am so glad that you took the time to write this.
Everyone is so busy in their own lives but I would like to suggest to your readers that each one of us should identify One neighbor or friend who needs a helping hand or visit.
Especially someone old or someone who is a caregiver to an ill spouse or child, or someone who lives alone. And people going through separation or divorce.
We, all, need to try to reach out to someone. I know that does not guarantee that if that person were suicidal that we could stop them, although perhaps it could.
I believe in Jesus and know my Father in Heaven, I read my Bible, and spend time in The Word; I know that without the knowledge of our worth to The Lord, there would be days of despair in all of our lives.
Humans will disappoint others, I agree.
God remains steadfast and
Loving kindness is given to all.
Thank you Phyllis.
Please reach out to others.
We need you and love you!❤
Phyllis, I feel the deep sincerity in your message today. Thank you for caring about us. We all struggle at times with one thing or another…be it large or small. Being who we are is a gift from God. To everyone I say celebrate being you!! xo
Thank you for your heartfelt post, Phyllis.
My husband’s sister committed suicide several years ago. Her husband was in the final stages of lung cancer, & she had health problems. She feared being alone when he died even though she had loving children, grandchildren, & siblings. She chose to end her life before her husband died. Those she left behind struggled with guilt & anger.
Saddest funeral last year,a young man, just graduated from college, hung himself. Our community was devastated, he was a from a loving Christian family. Just awful,but it opened the door to many heartfelt conversations with my son and their friends.
This is just what I needed today. Thank you so much!! ❤️
Thank you so much for this message. It is so important. We are all wonderfully made by a loving Father and should find our value through Him and not from people who are flawed. We are all beautiful in our own way and we are all to be cherished and prized for our uniqueness. Thank you again.
Phyllis, you have given your readers a lot of timely thoughts and help in certain situations.
You are so right about sharing your feelings to one another.
Thank You Phyllis for this important post.
Phyllis, thank you for the comfort and affirmation you have given us in your post today. We need to remember that each of us is made in the image of GOD and are created for His purposes, therefore we have value and beauty. Thank you also for the challenge to speak to someone if we are feeling discouraged or depressed but also to avail ourselves to those around us who may be struggling in some way. Compassion is so necessary in our world today. My heart breaks over those lives taken through suicide.
As we live our lives we must truly be ourselves no matter what you think,
Our mother told each one of us, “ Always be yourself, never different in a blink,”
This ran through our minds from an early age, from then and ever after, too,
When and if the time arises that you are in need, stretch your arms out to a few,
Share your inner thoughts and feelings with those who are able to help you,
And, then, your chance to be comforted and hugged will steer you on the road to
out maneuvering the blues,
While gathering an understanding of who you really are, be aware that you
are developing pride among others,
May this occur in your life as quickly as a we children learned this from our
So true. A few years ago I decided to do three things. First, never miss the opportunity to tell someone I love how I feel. Second, always hug older people. I read that one of the things that elderly people need most is human touch. And third, give flowers when someone is alive, not elaborate sprays when they’re dead. I was lucky enough to send a bouquet of pink roses to my high school principal days before she passed. Despite her pain, Sister Mary Grace insisted in calling to tell me how much they meant to her. Apparently, she hadn’t received flowers since she was a young woman. Never miss a chance like that to bring beauty and joy.
Thank you for giving mental health a ‘priority’ message.
Those are very nice sentiments, Phyllis. There isn’t much one could add, but just reiterate that “having it all” doesn’t really mean ALL, and like you said, we often put our faith in the wrong things. God is the only one who will never fail us.
Thank you, Phyllis, for addressing this issue with courage and sensitivity.
Both of these celebrities seemingly “had it all”–but obviously their hearts had huge holes. May we all be aware of those around us and be encouragers!
Phyllis, your heartfelt message is a blessing in itself. I am thankful we live in a country where we can express and share our belief in the one true God.
Your posts are always beautifully written from your caring heart. Thank you.
What a powerful message . It is so needed right now. Sometimes I think people are to busy or simply don’t want to get involved. It is important that we love, appreciate and value friends, family and strangers and to be there, not to judge, but to give support. We are our brother’s keeper. Thanks for sharing this. You always know just what to say in times like this.
A poignant message for clearly a need of great magnitude in this day and culture. Thank you for taking the time to express this heartfelt message.
Beautifully written, Phyllis. Suicide appears to be spreading like a disease, and it’s scary. I, too, sometimes suffer from clinical depression as well as chronic anxiety — both controlled with Rx as well as personal self-care such as working on my attitude through prayer, Bible study, music, writing. Late winters are particularly bad as I seem to have seasonal affective disorder, but I’ve never considered suicide, just curling up in a warm place and taking a nap.
Well said, Phyllis.
Nearly fifty years ago as a young marrieds, we experienced the aftereffects of a suicide.
We did not know the family well, but as the one who cared for the two youngsters whose parent had taken her life, I saw first hand their devastation. I still grieve for those two boys. No one should have to deal with that kind of loss at any age. I had seen how much she loved and was loved by those boys. How desperate and hopeless she must have felt to have taken that drastic action…
WHAT AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE! IF WE GET OUR SELF WORTH FROM OTHERS, OTHERS WILL FAIL US AND WE ARE LEFT WITHOUT WORTH. WE ARE UNIQUE AND SPECIALLY CREATED BY GOD FOR A UNIQUE PURPOSE. ONLY THROUGH HIM CAN WE GET A LASTING SELF WORTH OR VALUE. ALSO SO IMPORTANT FOR US TO REACH OUT FOR OTHERS. THE PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE IT ALL MADE, MAY NOT AND BE SUFFERING INSIDE.
My daughter is a Licensed Professional Counselor and works in mental health and substance abuse. Also teaches classes at a Junior College in this field for people who want to enter this as a career helping people in need. She has been very sad and verbal about the events of last week. Many people do not know how often suicide happens. Thank you for writing about this. It is a major problem in today’s living.
Thank you for this post. You are so right, everyone is valuable.
Many thanks and have a great week.
Oh Phyllis, well said.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to all of us during this sad time.
It’s amazing how sometimes a quick comment can be more damaging than a hurricane or more healing than medicine. Here’s praying more and more people become kinder and available. xo
You are so right. One of my best friends lost her only child to suicide last year. We are all still grieving. Be there for your family and friends is the most important thing we can do in our lives to love one another.
Thank you for writing this, Phyllis. Your words are clearly heartfelt, and such a blessing to me.